my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
