it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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