Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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