Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
