he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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