wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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