I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
