I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
