He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
