Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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