I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
