We're like a lot better than the average bears
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
