i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
