I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
My ass is underappreciated
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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