How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Barsexuality is the new black.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
