He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
