look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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