Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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