If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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