Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
