ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
