you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
