if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
