I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
