Sponge bath it is.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
