you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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