At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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