I am midnight drunk by noon
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
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