I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
