Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
