Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
