was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
