I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I want to be your penis for a week.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
