Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
