no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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