You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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