Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
My pussy is not your playground.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
