Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
