Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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