Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
