got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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