So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
