You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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