so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
