just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
