then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
