There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
