I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
