You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
