My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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