good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
