i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
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