i just made my gag reflex go away.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
