K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
