Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Boobs speak an international language.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
