I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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