WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
